Confused Love

You're confused. You can't decide between not wanting her and needing her in your life. You know you love her, but you ended things. Why? What is it you fear? Did you fear she would not love you back? Did you fear that one day she would get up and leave? I guess she should have been the one who was afraid. Lying to her for days and weeks that you love her, just comes to show how much you care about her feelings and how easy it is to lie to yourself than it is to her. She is a woman of rock, hard to break, but possible for you to smash.  Whats even more crazy, is how you can't see how much you truly love her, but everyone around you can. And what sucks the most, is you knowing she can't move on, even if she tried. She's still loyal to you, and its been months. Call her crazy but that only makes you stupid. Shes broken. So broken she needs you. Not as a lover, but as a friend. The friendship you both had before things got serious.

She saw you in a way you have never seen yourself. Someone like her never intended to be rescued, she knows how to do it alone, she doesn't need to depend on anyone, but she wanted you, she needs you. She knew what truly matter. It wasn't your money nor the dates you took her on, it was your heart, your jokes that made her laugh. She needs that from you.

You can't force yourself to love someone. But you also, can't force yourself to stop loving someone. Why couldn't you love her the way she loved you. Why couldn't you realize that she would always be there for you no matter what? Why couldn't you understand she wasn't ready for commitment just like you? There was no rush in anything. She understands that being alone is easier than being around people who don't understand you. But why couldn't you understand she understood you. She understood why you made the choices you made. Maybe this is why she has not given up on you.

She is different. She is a fighter. She fights for what she believes in. She ignores the fact that you hurt her, because she knows there is positive in you. Don't be so negative. You can't escape the things you love.  She is only this way, because you made her fall hard for you. And you can keep pushing her down, but she will only get back up and try again.  She hasn't gave up on you and she never will. She knows the most beautiful things in life are imperfect and the most difficult. Don't give up on her like you know she won't give up on you.