Marriage

Marriage used to be about spending the rest of your life with that one person you can't be without. The one you share laughs with, get through the struggles with and simply the person you love. Now a days people are settling down because they are expecting a child or they feel like they will never find someone later in their life who can love them better so they decide to settle down now.

Ladies and gentlemen don't settle down with just anybody. Don't waste precious time with somebody who's probably only going to be there for a while. When you speed things up, things don't last long. You can go full speed on the expressway but eventually you'll run out of fuel.

Commitment is a huge and an important thing in life. It's not like just any relationship, you just can't brake up and walk away so easily. Lawyers have to be involved and by the time you know it, you're going to be on your second marriage while you're still paying for your divorce from your first marriage. 

Planning a wedding is stressful but a beautiful thing all us girls dream of doing one day. We want our dream wedding, and of course we want the perfect relationship as well. But think about it, look at your partner and ask yourself; "Do I see myself with this person for the rest of my life?" "Will I be happy with all his/her flaws?" Think of all the little things that can cause you to leave years later. Marriages can last 1 year, 7 years some even 20 years and then they realize they can't do it anymore. They weren't ready to settle down or at least they weren't really in love with the person. 

I'm sure you do not want to waste your time with someone who is going to walk out of your life 5 years down the road. Don't rush things. Things that are rushed never last. Get to know that person first and I don't just mean his/her family and flaws but culture, values and his/her goals.

Also, you can't make a person fall in love with you. You simply can't. Don't settle down with the first person you blindly fall in love with, not because you met his/her family and certainly not because you've been together for 4 years. You are and will fall in love so many times, that's the beauty of love, it never gives up. And just like love, you should never give up on yourself. 

In my last relationship, I was in love, but I know we are not for each other. And I'm totally cool with it because I have learned new things about myself since. Like how I actually like donuts and how much animals mean to me. Also, I've been planning my next charity event for the foster center I've been volunteering at for the past few years, and if God willing by next December I'll graduate college. There's so many other things I'm taking my life with, other than work and school. I realize I don't need a man in my life other than my Pops, at least not now. I'm building myself. This doesn't mean I'm grateful my past relationship did not work out because my ex sure did help me understand I can do anything in life if I believe and work hard and I wouldn't be able to thank him enough for that. So I'm happy he is is living his own life and I'm living mine, the way we want it too. It doesn't change who he is and who I am. We're two different souls finding ourselves and our paths. 

So again, don't settle down with just anyone, because you think you're in love. Research shows, people who marry at a young age (25 years or younger) are more likely to get a divorce than those who wait. So don't feel pressured to settle down because all your friends are or your family is assisting you should. Plus you haven't finish exploring what this earth has to offer, what if one day you visit Italy and you meet the one there. Stay open minded!

If you have any ideas or questions you would like for me too talk about in my next blog, don't be hesitate to message me at ashlynmartinez78@gmail.com Thank you for reading my fellow Leo's!

Dream the Impossible

Do you ever just wish one morning you could wake up and be a millionaire? Or waking up to the love of your life, living in your dream home seeing your kids grow? I'm pretty sure we all want this. 

Well I'm sorry my fellow Leo's but we all need to start somewhere and work hard till we can achieve our dreams. Dreams are possible to reach. It takes a great mind and a true heart to establish this magic. It's dedication, sweat, tears and pain that will make you achieve your dream. Don't think otherwise. 

We all need to start somewhere. If it's selling ice cream on the streets, cutting your neighbors grass, flipping burgers, whatever it may be, you are taking a step. These jobs will help you in a positive way, if it's saving money, gaining the skills you need for your future or providing for your family, be happy about it. Own the job. Maybe one day, you'll be managing the place or starting your own business. 

How can I stay on track?

Commit to yourself. Do you really want to achieve your dreams? Do you want to make them happen? Because if you do, than stay positive and understand nothing is going to be easy and fast. Have you ever noticed things that are rushed into never last long or go terribly wrong? Yeah we've all been there. So first off;

- Whats the plan, boss? 

Where do you want to be, what is it you want to achieve? Once you answer the question, ask yourself why it's important to you. How are you going to get there? Where are you going to start?

- Ready, set, Action!

Start by taking baby steps. Soon you'll be able to run this town. 

- Short Goals

Set yourself small goals that you know you can accomplish on a daily basis that will help you achieve your main big goal. Seeing yourself achieve these goals, makes you see progress, and when you see progress you will gain a boost that makes you realize anything is possible.

- Eww, its Failure.

We all hate to admit we failed but, use it too learn from your mistakes. Use it as guidance and grow from it. 

- Accept the Criticism 

Accept the fact that it will take a good amount of time to achieve these dreams. Accept the fact that nothing is easy. Accept the fact that anywhere and everywhere you go no matter what you do, people are going to criticize you. But it's your choice if you let these critics hold you down or lift you up. Now, accept the fact that you are human, and you are capable of doing anything you put your mind too.

- Sacrifice 

You're going to make tough decisions along the way, but be sure to make the necessary sacrifices. Tell Felicia to go home. 

- No Excuses!

Drop the excuses and get stepping! There are no excuses on why you can't make your dreams come true, just think of Tenzing Norgay. They said climbing Mount Everest was impossible but there he was sacrificing his own life to prove others nothing is ever impossible.

Chasing your dreams will distract you from the negative. It inspires the people you love to follow their own dreams. It proves that anything is possible and you will learn to appreciate the experiences of failure. You will understand that failure comes along with success. And with your success you will see it was all worth it. So why not take the chance of achieving your dream goals and change your life, no dream is ever stupid. No dream is ever too old.

Don't give up because a hurdle came upon your path. Jump over it and if you still trip and fall, get back up and run again. Nothing is easy in life and nothing will ever be. But if you believe, if you believe in yourself,everything will be worth it. So don't give up, just don't. It will all be worth it at the end.  So when someone tells you, you can't, show them you can. When you feel you can't no more, ask yourself why you started in the first place. When you think you can't, tell yourself you know you can. You are going to break yourself before you make yourself. You'll see those late nights at work drenched in sweat were all well deserved when you look at your family healthy and happy.

Confused Love

You're confused. You can't decide between not wanting her and needing her in your life. You know you love her, but you ended things. Why? What is it you fear? Did you fear she would not love you back? Did you fear that one day she would get up and leave? I guess she should have been the one who was afraid. Lying to her for days and weeks that you love her, just comes to show how much you care about her feelings and how easy it is to lie to yourself than it is to her. She is a woman of rock, hard to break, but possible for you to smash.  Whats even more crazy, is how you can't see how much you truly love her, but everyone around you can. And what sucks the most, is you knowing she can't move on, even if she tried. She's still loyal to you, and its been months. Call her crazy but that only makes you stupid. Shes broken. So broken she needs you. Not as a lover, but as a friend. The friendship you both had before things got serious.

She saw you in a way you have never seen yourself. Someone like her never intended to be rescued, she knows how to do it alone, she doesn't need to depend on anyone, but she wanted you, she needs you. She knew what truly matter. It wasn't your money nor the dates you took her on, it was your heart, your jokes that made her laugh. She needs that from you.

You can't force yourself to love someone. But you also, can't force yourself to stop loving someone. Why couldn't you love her the way she loved you. Why couldn't you realize that she would always be there for you no matter what? Why couldn't you understand she wasn't ready for commitment just like you? There was no rush in anything. She understands that being alone is easier than being around people who don't understand you. But why couldn't you understand she understood you. She understood why you made the choices you made. Maybe this is why she has not given up on you.

She is different. She is a fighter. She fights for what she believes in. She ignores the fact that you hurt her, because she knows there is positive in you. Don't be so negative. You can't escape the things you love.  She is only this way, because you made her fall hard for you. And you can keep pushing her down, but she will only get back up and try again.  She hasn't gave up on you and she never will. She knows the most beautiful things in life are imperfect and the most difficult. Don't give up on her like you know she won't give up on you. 

the big eX

They are called "ex" for a reason. It's like a bottle of poison, the "x" makes it clear you should not drink it, for you will get intoxicated and die. And the "ex" means you shouldn't go back, for you will get hurt and die, just kidding, but you get the point.

What I'm trying to say is, don't linger on forever and wait for your ex to come back. You either put yourself on the train to depression or you fly your own plane. Don't ever wait on things that probably won't happen. Keep on living and don't let a heart break get the best of you. Of course you're going to hurt, who wouldn't? Cry if you need to, break a few plates, egg his/her house if you want, but when you're done, don't let him/her be the reason you cry at night a year from the break up. You need to move on and find happiness somewhere else.

"How do you forget someone you have been with for over 3 years?"
You can't really forget someone who made an impact in your life. You can't just erase them forever, but what you can do is let go and slowly you'll find other things or someone new who can make a bigger impact in your life and slowly blur the past that you had with your ex.

"What if we still talk and still are deeply in love with each other, we just can't be together at the moment?"
Depending on why you aren't together at the moment. You shouldn't stick to someone who only has you there for a quick booty call or can't see you with someone else but they can flirt with others. Don't be stupid, you are better than that. If it's due to distance, than you got a point, if you two really want to make things work, you will play it safe. You two are together but not official, it's just better that way due to the distance.

"I broke up with him and I regret it, I miss him and he doesn't want me anymore, but I am in love."
Sometimes you have to live with the consequences of your actions and decision's. Not saying you should give up, you keep trying to win their heart back. But if they moved on, then you should too, and if it's meant to be it will be.

There has to be a line drawn. Is your ex worth it or should you just move on? Most breakups deal with problems. And depending on the reason why you broke up determines if your breakup was worth it or you made the wrong decision and you should go back and win their heart before it is too late. An example, you two broke up because one was caught cheating. Will you ever be able to trust your partner? Will you be happy with someone who cheated on you? Probably not, this is an example that proves you made the right choice by breaking up. Another example of a breakup: you two broke up because she stole your food. I mean that is ridiculous. You don't just break up with someone because they stole a few french fries. Get yourself together and stop acting like a child.

We need to be strong and understand that things don't happen if you don't make an effort on trying to change it. If you are currently hurting from a breakup, be strong, you will get through it. There is nothing more heart warming than knowing you are one person down from meeting the right person.

Be True to Yourself

"When you give to others to the degree that you sacrifice yourself, you make the other person a thief." -Lyanla Vanzant 

Putting others before you may seem so easy to you, we where raised to respect and help others. But, sometimes we need to put ourselves before others, it not selfishness and wrong to do so. Actually we must first help ourselves before we can help someone else, and when we do so, the outcome is beyond better.

You know you are doing a great thing by planning your best friends wedding but, are you happy doing it? You shouldn't have said yes when you actually meant to say no. You are putting your needs and wants aside for the happiness of another. And when you do so, you are showing you need someone else's approval to make yourself feel approved in order to feel whole.

Don't be afraid to say "no". Speak the truth, do not be afraid to "betray" others so you can be true to yourself. Don't lie to yourself just so those around you can be happy. Cinderella's step-mother never did anything for her, so why should she? Cinderella lived an unhappy life until she met her prince charming. Put your needs and wants before others, do what makes you happy.

You have your own path to walk, if you keep choosing what others say, you will never be truly happy and at peace. You can achieve wonderful things if you live your life in a way that makes sense to you. When you put yourself first and make your own descions, you will become more happy and you learn to better yourself which helps you better service those around you.

Lyanla Vanzant said, "Whats in the cup is yours and what comes out of the cup is theirs" In other words, when you're true to yourself and truly happy you can help those around you be true to themselves. You can't always give, give, give; you need receive in order to give. Find happiness and you will be able to give happiness.

5 Tips to Help YOU Put Yourself Before Others

#1 Find Your Purpose
Write down what you want for yourself. Then analyze how you are going to get there, what you need and what you don't.

#2 Balance
Yin/Yang, Positive/Negative, Light/Dark, without one there can't be another. If you are always giving and not giving back to yourself, there will always be something missing.

#3 You are Important
Yes you are important. Cut yourself some slack, do what makes you happy, you are the controller of your path.

#4 Listen to Your Heart
Listen to your desires, your needs, and to what your heart is telling you. If you feel something isn't right, you are not giving yourself enough.

#5 Put yourself First
Live for you. Stop living for other people and things. Don't ever stop moving towards the path you know you must travel.

"It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul." -Oriah Mountain Dreamer

Thank you for reading! If you have any topics or questions you would like for me to blog about don't hesitate to message me at ashlynmartinez78@gmail.com ALL messages will be private.

Mr./Ms. Wrong

If you are questioning your relationship often because your partner keeps you off-balanced or even keeps you guessing where you stand, you may be dating Mr./Ms. Wrong. If you're currently single but want to avoid getting in a relationship with Mr./Ms. Wrong than I suggest you read the following to help you ignore this giant jerk.

Warning: The following points may prove your partner is the wrong person for you. Read with caution.

-Different Interest's
All couples are going to have differences, of course you like pineapple in your pizza and your partner may like mushrooms in theirs. When it comes to dating, you both should be able to do what you would like. If it's watching the game or Mean Girls , if your partner really likes you, they would suck it up and watch it with you, because that would make you happy. If your partner shows no effort into your interest's, you may be with Mr./Ms. Wrong.

-Mr./Ms. RIGHT
Your partner is always right no matter what. They tend to always be right even when you know they are wrong. When your partner doesn't even hear your side of the story or even include your opinion, than you may be wasting your time hearing their's.

-You're the crazy one!
Even when you are faithful and do nothing wrong, your partner blames you for their mistakes or even for just standing there. Your partner may be getting after you for no reason but, you are not crazy, they are!

-Attention, Attention!
You have to fight for your partners attention. If they don't try talking to you, nor make time to see you, it is obvious you don't mean much to them. If they don't try, why should you? Stop wasting your time.

-Drama Seeker
Arguments are normal in every relationship, even with your best friends sometimes. But lately you have been having constant battles with your partner over the smallest things, and that is not normal. They bring unwanted drama into your relationship and you honestly don't need that. If they can't find peace in anything you do, why spend your life with someone who keeps getting after you for liking your sisters Facebook post.

-Mr./Ms. Wrong are always first
No matter how busy you are, your partner still wants your attention. They call you at work, tell your friends you won't be able to make it to poker night or even make you miss out on your nieces birthday party. You should be able to do what you want, your'e not dating your mom.

-Sorry, not sorry!
Mr./Ms. Wrong will never say sorry, even after they did wrong. They don't agree they did wrong and will never agree to not do it again. When someone really cares about your feelings, they will apologize and admit they did wrong and promise you they will not do it again. You shouldn't be the one apologizing for their mistakes, you don't need Mr./Ms. Wrong.

If any of these factors sound like your partner, you know who you are dealing with. If your partner is the opposite of what I mentioned, than you got nothing to fear, you are with Mr./Ms. Right!


Thank you for reading! If you have any topics or questions you would like for me to blog about, don't hesitate to message me at ashlynmartinez78@gmail.com ALL messages will be private!

In with the New, Out with the Old (Change)

I am pretty sure there a lot of people who have said/done things they now regret. You may have left a bad impression on someone and you wish you could go back in time and fix it. Well you can't time travel but, if you show people the new you, they will eventually tend to forget the old you. 

Now change is hard to accept, especially when you realize you are not the same person anymore but, change is important. Change reminds you that anything is possible, it means progress. And, when I mean progress, I mean you will find more doors open that come with new opportunities and experiences that may benefit you in positive ways.

Change is scary, even when you don't know what the outcome may be and who you may loose along the way. But you should not be afraid, the right people will stay in your life and it is your choice weather you want good or bad vibes to interfere with your life. Change keeps things interesting, you learn to have a much more open mind on things than you use too. Not only that, but it helps you move on. Why spend your life lingering and in disappointment about your past when you can change and better yourself. You still have a future.

Change will happen, it is a necessary part of life. The world is advancing so fast, we are forced to change as well. And when our world affects our life, we change without even noticing it. A great example: kids back then to kids now. We spent hours outside playing and interacting with other kids and, the kids now spent hours on their phones in bed. So if change is going to happen anyways, why not be the change you want to be.

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." - Mahatma Gandhi


Thank you for taking the time to read my blog. If you have any topics or questions you would like for me to blog about don't hesitate to message me at ashlynmartinez78@gmail.com all messages will be private!

Long Distance Relationships

Since I just started my blog, I'm very surprised on how much messages I have been getting, thank you everyone who has spent the time to read my blog!

I was asked to blog on the topic of long-distance relationships. Do they work?

Yes and no. If you know me, you would know I tend to move every six months from Texas to Washington, so I have been in two long-distance relationships. My first relationship lasted 11 months apart from each other, that's almost a full year! Lets cut to the chase, it was horrible. There was so much trust issues that lead to fights after fights, but I guess I was right in a way, I found out later he was cheating on me. How was I suppose to know what he was doing when we were miles apart. So of course things ended between us.

My second long-distance relationship lasted three months apart. It honestly felt like I never left his side, we text all day everyday. He had my full trust, I guess its different with different people. I knew I had nothing to worry about while I was away. And when we reunited, it felt so magical because, deep in my mind I had missed him so much and just being able to feel the comfort of his body was incredible.

My point is long-distance relationships can work if both people make it work. Communication should literally be the definition of long-distance relationships, without it there is no relationship. Remaining constant contact and webcamming can really help your relationship stay at a steady balance. Trust is also the key, in any relationship really. If you can't trust your partner, then you shouldn't really be together. You don't want to be living with constant frustration on what your partner may be doing while you two are miles apart. A great way to keep trust issues down to a minimum point is keeping the spark between you alive. Express each others feelings, and explain to your significant one what you love about them.

If you are ever feeling doubt in your relationship, just remind yourself why you started dating in the first place. And if that still isn't enough to carry on in your relationship, than I recommend you to part, and if it's meant to be, it will be, not now but maybe in the future.

Besides, if you really love this person and you can see yourself with this person in the future, than distance means absolutely nothing!

Thank you for reading! If you would like for me to post a blog about a certain topic or question, don't hesitate to message me at ashlynmartinez78@gmail.com ALL messages will be private!

Best Friend's Ex-Girlfriend/Boyfriend

I received a message yesterday asking, "When is it a good time to hit on a friend's ex-girlfriend?"

Well it depends on how close your relationship is with your friend. If it's a friend you hardly talk to, then it's fine to talk to your friends ex. BUT you must know your friend is totally over his/her ex, then you can make your move. Just know it's going to be awkward between all three of you.

Now if you and your friend are very close, then I say abroad mission! Is your friendship really worth over some person? If they are worth it, then first you must know they are completely over with each other and I mean completely, what if you start pouring your heart to them and the next day they show up together at your party. But if they are completely over each other, then you can make your move, but take things slow, like really slow! Secondly, talk to your friend if it's okay for you to talk to their ex. Chances are they might get upset, depending on how the relationship ended with their ex, but what do you got to loose by simply asking, they may actually be totally cool with it. But REMEMEBER, your friendship will never be the same, it will always be awkward especially when all three of you are in the same building. Make sure you give a lot of thought about your decision, your relationship might not even work out and at the end you may have lost a good friend.

Overall, do what your heart tells you, if they are worth it, then make the move!

Thank you for reading! If you have any questions or topics you would like for me to blog about, don't hesitate to message me @ ashlynmartinez78@gmail.com Don't worry all messages will be private. Have a blessed day!

Love yourself.

Lately everyone has been desperate for love. Boys are seeking love in every girl that catch their eye, girls want to settle down and marry the guy they've been with for 3 months. But you can't truly love someone if you don't truly love yourself. First you got to learn to love yourself. Find yourself. Do the things that make you happy, do stuff that you catch yourself smiling for no reason. Explore your wonders, adventure your wants and tackle your fears. Enjoy yourself. And when you find yourself, when you are happy with what you have become and what you have done, that is when you are ready to love someone else. Stop putting yourself down, it honestly does not matter if popular Regina doesn't want to be your friend or if quarterback Ken doesn't find you attractive. These things won't matter in 10 years. So stop worrying about what everyone thinks, and live your life like you want, find yourself and love you!

3 ways to learn to love yourself:

1) Listen to what you feel instead of others. 

You know it's true, you love how the dress fits but your friend finds it ugly. I say buy the dress! We tend to listen to others opinion than ourselves and you are rejecting your inner thoughts. Put yourself before others

2) Don't try to be perfect.

Umm nobody is perfect, so why try to be something no one is not. Show those curves off and smile because someone out there loves your braces and your nerdy glasses. One day you will find someone who can't get enough of your freckles.

3) Exclude the negative.

Nobody needs negative in their life, especially when you are tying to love yourself. You don't need someone in your life putting you down, plus what good are you getting out of that mean person? You can't fly if someone is holding your wings down.